So I've always held, and understand with complete certainty, that life isn't fair. But everytime something happens that asserts this foundation, I'm always a little bitter.

Why do bad things have to happen to good people? Why do other people always have to hurt? Why are my pains always...so minimal compared to theirs, when I know my life has been lived less honorably than others?

I send a prayer to my best friend, hoping her heart remains strong and her soul and faith unshaken. I send good wishes to everyone who has hurt or is hurting, to everyone who's felt and realized that life isn't fair.

Don't let that stop you.

So, thanksgiving away from my family? Sucks. I feel a little sad, that tomorrow is thanksgiving and I'm who knows how many miles away from home. I'm in a numb phase, where I can pretend it's not happening, but if I think about how it IS happening, I feel sad again. I mean, I know it's only like...three weeks till I get to go home for Christmas break, but still. It's sad, y'know? Food and family is what thanksgiving is... And the fact that nobody (well, practically nobody) is here isn't making it easy to pretend that it's not really thanksgiving tomorrow.

I want the days back when school was fun. I want the days when I learned for the desire to learn. But I can't bring myself to think that way, because I'm paying for this education and they're measuring it numbers and grades. Essentially, I'm paying to be graded. I'm paying to be analyzed on a number scale. I'm paying so other people can think I've learned. Why can't I just learn for fun? Why can't I think of classes in terms of desire to learn instead of the overwhelming voice in the back of my head reminding me, this is my money, I better damn well get a good grade.

It stops being fun with those kinds of thoughts. It stops being fun and I stop learning the way I used to. My learning is frazzled and nervous, and more things slip through my fingers for fear of wanting to get more information inside my head.

Chemistry is hard. But I always liked Chemistry. I STILL like Chemistry. I just can't think of it as something I want to learn; I'm too busy thinking of it as something that I have to defeat because I'm giving money to be given a number on a test so to get my money's worth I need a high number. Then I get scared, because I don't think I can. Then I don't learn.  

I want to learn. Let me go back to learning. I liked learning for the sake of learning. Maybe if I can learn how to do that again, it will come out better. And if it doesn't, at the very least, I'll have fun.

I am now taking a small break from studying to mention.

THE PEACE PRIZE??? REALLY???

I wanted Obama to win the elections. I did. But I can't help but think someone is severely screwing up in handing out Nobel Peace Prizes. He does not deserve it. I know that. He hasn't done anything that merits winning it. Yeah, fine, so he's pushing the world into a new climate blah blah blah. He was nominated 11 days after taking office.

Yeah. Still worthy?

Even worse he beat out people who, I think, are better symbols and people who ACTUALLY DID stuff worth awarding way more than the fat lot of nothing Obama's done concerning peace. You can read here for three other people who were nominated for the prize and did NOT win.

Just.

Seriously.

Come on? Are we really going to do that?

If Obama were a better person he'd turn down the peace prize. Frankly, I don't know how that works, but in his shoes, I would turn down the peace prize. Because I would know I did nothing to merit winning it.

The world is getting screwy, that's all I'm saying.

Un-freaking-believable.

Today, at my university, there was an PostSecret event. If you've never heard of it here's the website and here are some examples. Basically, PostSecret is a project that expanded by proportions the founder had not EVER expected. He'd expected his experiment, his project to end. It didn't. I feel it has take a force of it's own and it's messages are so powerful, so inspiring that it cannot die.

This is not a religious post. I am not going to talk about the saving power of God, or if I believe in God. PostSecret is a project where people all around the country, even the world, take a post card, decorate it (sometimes, not all the time), write a secret on it, and send it to Frank Warren. The founder of PostSecret. The secrets vary from funny to serious. And yet, there's a kernel of honesty, of brutal and complete honesty, that strikes home. Watch this video.

I DID IT. I GOT THE IB DIPLOMA. YIPPEEEEE!!
( Image of my score report card for IB :D :D :D )


I mean, it's not like it really is that much of a big deal at this point, but it just feels really nice to know that after all that work and unbelievable annoying papers and other crap, that it was worth it. It was genuinely worth it. So it doesn't matter, but it makes me feel warm and fuzzy nonetheless.


It's better too, because I've been feeling like crap lately. No real reason, I just feel sluggish and awful for reasons I can't describe. I haven't been able to really do anything. So this is nice and completely welcome.


Also. I've decided to start running in the mornings. It's a pain in the ass, but I kind of want to treat my body better, so I'll give it some exercise. Plus, that junk is supposed to make people happier right?

Because I wish someone would stake Edward Cullen in the books.

Plus. Buffy? Totally better role model than Bella. And this is how Bella should have reacted to Edward's creepiness.

Also Buffy=Awesome. It's just true.

So I feel like crap today.

It's this weird annoying empty feeling that's swirling around in my gut and won't leave me alone. I swear, it almost feels like I don't know who I am or like I'm not part of this world. I just - it's not a very nice feeling.

Now that I've graduated I find myself quite bored. Which really I should be happy for all the free time, but I guess all that extra junk I've been doing during school time which kept me quite busy has left me with an inability to know how to handle free time.

Which is why I'm trying to get a summer job, at least until college starts, but getting a job is a lot harder than I'd imagined. I think most people are just unwilling to hire someone who can only be an employee for three months. Nonetheless, for the next three months I have a naggling feel I'm going to be almost continually bored.

I spent three hours today playing a spa salon version of the Diner Dash game. Mostly because the spa version was cheaper. Probably better than Diner Dash, since it's not food related anyway. It looks prettier than the demos I've played. Mm. See. I'm bored.

This is the best news ever.
Best day ever.

( Click here to read about my current state of super-awesome happy state!! )

( Panicking, I'm told, solves nothing. Relaxing, I therefore assume, also solves nothing. So if neither panicking nor relaxing will fix this annoying wait, what am I supposed to do while I'm waiting for that one stupid letter? I have learned to detest and love all envelopes. Bleh. ) )
 

Title: Be Brave
Fandom: Naruto
Characters: Temari, Shikamaru, Hinata, Naruto
Word Count: 1,349
Pairings: ShikaTema and implied(?) NaruHina
Summary: Temari was a lot of things, but she was not as brave as she's always wanted to be. She could not say the words. She was afraid of the words. And then, there was Hinata, who for all her reputation, was braver than Temari could hope to be.
A/N: A birthday present for the ever-awesome

pictash who's turning XX years old. :p The best age to ever turn, double-mystery-X.


 

 

 

Well, I'm back from the med program interview at Rochester U (REMS).

( The more I learn, the more I love... )

The piece I submitted (well one of the pieces at any rate) for VASE (artsy competition) is one of the ones they picked to advance to state!! They picked like...8 ( I think) out of 70 something...(I think it's more than that actually).

I feel uberly happy since I really liked this piece and spent a lot of time on it. (this piece looks a lot better in person). The thing below is a picture I took of it.

Made with pastels in case you were wondering.

In personal news, my school hosted another blood drive today.
And once more, I was deferred. I was not allowed to donate. That makes it three times now. Whoever said third times the charm is full of it.

Let's run it over.
1) I said I was in an area of Mexico in the past year that was at risk for malaria
2) They screwed something up with the records, making me have to wait a whole three more months
3) My heart rate was too high

The said thing is, it was too high because I was nervous they were going to defer me again. When he tried it the second time, and he told me to calm down, I couldn't because I was spazzing that THIS was going to be why I was to be deferred that time. Maybe if he hadn't said anything. Grr... So, I've been wanting to donate since my freshman year, when I first helped out with the blood drive, and every chance I've had now that I've become of age, I have not been able to. Do you know how depressing it is to help out and see all these people give blood when I am deferred time and time again? I mean, I'm glad they're giving, but I feel saddened that I'm not.
It's my goal (as lame as that sounds) to donate before I graduate. Most people want to have sex before they graduate high school. Me? I wanna a needle in my arm and blood flowing out. Sounds creepy.
Nonetheless, I WILL donate before I graduate (or I'll try REALLY hard, but considering my luck it will not pan out). I'm gonna give it another shot either later this month or early March. Maybe if I do it on the 8th, life will be kind and let me donate as an early birthday present....

Anyone know how to control your heart rate?

Grades are a funny thing.

This NY Times article (I read that a lot don't I?) talks about senses of entitlement concerning grades in student mentalities.

“I tell my classes that if they just do what they are supposed to do and meet the standard requirements, that they will earn a C,” he said. “That is the default grade. They see the default grade as an A.”

( More on the article, and my thoughts on this sense of entitlement )

I already answered this on the FAFSA, but I'm wondering if I should make a correction.

Okay, so on the FAFSA it asks what degree I'll be working for in the 2009-2010 year. In that year it will be my FIRST year going to college. My father thought I should put 1st bachelor degree, but I was leaning more toward the associates (general studies) degree. I do want to complete four years of college and then eventually head off towards grad school, but for THIS question concerning the 2009-2010 year, should I be checking the 1st bachelor degree or associates (general studies) degree?

 

( 192-word Ino/Chou drabble... )

 

Title: Just One Word
Fandom/Type: Original Fiction
Word Count: 276
Warning: Curse words
Authors Note: I always write whenever I feel something too strongly -- when I freak out.

 

( Because my heart's in my throat, and words help me get rid of that feeling )

( Me, freaking out about a school I DESPERATELY want to get into. )</div>

.

( This book is great! For all the readers out there... )</td></tr></tbody></table></div>

Alright so I found this article through this blog while looking for fanfiction of a specific novel that I really, really love. Yes, it's an old article. From July 27 of 2008. (Just in time before the new year, eh?)

( And I'm not happy with the article... (Slight summary within) )

~Toodles.

I really should stop joining communities...I'm juggling too many things as it is.

I've claimed Stein/Medusa....


Table 2

1) Smear	8) Table	15) Once More	22) Legs	29) Shiver	36) Truth
2) Scrape	9) First	16) Bondage	23) Neck	30) Hatred	37) Lies
3) Lick	10) Last	17) Blood	24) Wrists	31) Love	38) Master
4) Bite	11) Nippy	18) Torn	25) Eyelashes	32) Passion	39) Pet
5) Furious	12) Insatiable	19) Uncomfortable	26) Blame	33) Junkie	40) Morning
6) Standing	13) Chocolate	20) Changing	27) Unfortunate	34) Hips	41) Dusk
7) Shower	14) Whipped Cream	21) Rrrip	28) Fortunate	35) Rumors	42) Addicted

 I'm happy.

I won!

It's my very first time competing in CX debate for school (I did CX once before for a program, years ago, but it way differently formatted) and my partner and I won FIRST PLACE. Seriously. We beat some good and experienced debaters from all our city and we didn't even have half as much evidence as our opponents had.

Imagine how much ass my partner and I could kick once we seriously get used it? So effin awesome.

I'm on happy high.  :)

This is going to last me for weeks.

YAYZ!!!

List taken from

yumi_maki  who took it from expressionisart .

The Big Read reckons that the average adult has only read 6 of the top 100 books they've printed.
1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you intend to read.
3) Underline the books you LOVE.
4) Put an asterisk next to the books you'd rather shove hot pokers in your eyes than read
5) Reprint this list in your own LJ so we can try and track down these people who've read 6 and force books upon them.

 

 

( Why do this? Because reading is fun. :) )

( And so by saying it, it becomes real... )</div></div>

 More reviews/comments on BD by SMeyer....

So, for the first part of my hopefully not too long discussion of Breaking Dawn. (The only reason I'm really cutting it into parts, is because I'm sick and lazy and don't feel like talking about the book in its entirety yet.)


Didn't proofread this, so it's more of a stream of consciousness type thing.

Just finished reading Breaking Dawn today.

Hi,

I'm currently a high school senior and am in the process of narrowing my college choices down. But it seems the more I learn the less impressed I am. So far, I've only discovered two schools that truly interest me.
I was wondering if any of you could help me. I'm really just looking for a university that has a medical school and a good medical program.

I've been comparing and running things but the only ones that are up to par as of yet are Tufts University and University of Rochester. If any of you could help me I would truly appreciate it.
I'm truly confuddled (I know, that's not a word) at the moment.

Hello! Here are some of my posts for the comm 100_colours. I hadn't been able to post most of these earlier as I'd written them when I did not really have access to the computer, so I decided to post these all at once rather than fill up the community pages with a bunch of my posts. If this is a problem I'll just post them all separately.




#1) RED
       "The Fear of Your Pain"
        Rated PG, Word Count: 535, Summary: Shikamaru cares about her. Temari sometimes forgets that.

#2) PINK
       "Who Gets to Be Mrs.Nara?"
        Rated PG-13, Word Count: 577, Summary: It seemed that he was slowly becoming less of a person and more of an object as the time wore on...


#6) GREEN
       "Jealously is Quite the Bothersome Emotion"
        Rated PG-13, Word Count: 556, Summary: Temari was NOT a jealous person!


#18) BROWN
       "Preferences"
        Rated PG, Word Count: 102, Summary: Attraction varies here and there... 

#25) DANDELION
       "Missing You!"
        Rated PG, Word Count: 223, Summary: It paid to live three days away sometimes.


#35) OLIVE
       "Help is Only Wanted from Certain Sources"
        Rated PG, Word Count: 403, Summary: Because pride will bend for certain people.


#37) EMERALD
       "Tender Family Moments"
        Rated PG-13, Word Count: 219, Summary: Despite how similar they were, Temari and his mother would never get on well...


#41) FOREST
       "On That Which is Yours"
         Rated PG-13, Word Count: 299, Summary: She was gorgeous, but he wasn't sure if he wanted others to know that.


#42) MOCHA
       "She Just Didn't See It"
        Rated PG, Word Count: 487, Summary: When exactly did her boyfriend turn into a hunk? And why was she the only one who couldn't see it?


#49) STRAW
       "Get Used to Her"
        Rated PG-13, Word Count: 283, Summary: Shikamaru doesn't hesitate to say it like it is when it comes to Temari.


#52) GRAPE
       "Ice Pops",
        Rated PG, Word Count: 161, Summary: Because pointless arguments are fun -- and so is inventing new colors.


#58) BLUE VIOLET
       "The Best Way to Bond"
        Rated PG-13, Word Count: 352, Summary: Women, Shikamaru thought, were nuts.


#64) WISTERIA
       "Because Not Everyone is The Same"
        Rated PG-13, Word Count: 279, Summary: He was a gentleman, and that was shocking in itself.


#73) ROYAL PURPLE
       "In Someone Else's Hands"
        Rated PG, Word Count: 315, Summary: Trust is hard for Temari to give.


#81) MANGO
       "Exclusively"
        Rated PG, Word Count: 172, Summary: Sometimes a girl needs to figure out what's what.


#84) MIDNIGHT
       "Drunken Ramblings"
        Rated PG-13, Word Count: 390, Summary: Shikamaru loved Temari, but he didn't quite like it when she was drunk. It required more trouble and self-control on his part.


#93) COTTON CANDY
       "Because a Girl Needs Her Sleep"
        Rated PG-13, Word Count: 708, Summary: You don't want to mess with Temari's sleep.

Title: Cornerstone Frienship
Category: Soul Eater
Characters: Soul, Maka, Black Star, Tsubaki
Word Count: 1,846
Pairings: None really
Summary: How Black Star became Maka and Soul’s friend. Meeting a star does for unforeseen situations.

Title: The Fight of a Lifetime
Category: Naruto
Characters: Shikamaru, Temari, Shiho, Ino, Yoshino
Word Count: 4,506
Spoilers: Up to the most recent chapters, but that's not anything big. It's really just for the introduction of Shiho's character.
Pairings: Shika/Tema definitely, and some Shikamaru/Shiho but not permanent in the least. Mostly onesided Shikamaru/Shiho really.
Summary: Shikamaru knew he wanted no troublesome woman in his life the minute he was smart enough to figure out he would need a woman in his life at some point. He knew this, and he was even willing to fight the one woman he wanted more than anything in the world, so life could be just a little bit easier. Life only sucks when you let it suck…
Other Author Comment: Mostly done to show that this is the most threat Shiho could ever truly pose. She could never really interfere, but this is to the extreme, I guess. ShikaTema forever! ^_^

 

Title: Lines of an Overprotective Father
Category: Soul Eater
Characters: Soul, Maka, DeathScythe/Spirit
Word Count: 851
Pairings: I guess, Soul/Maka if you look for it.
Summary: Was there ever any particular reason Death Scythe seemed to dislike Soul Eater Evans hanging with his daughter so much?

 

Hi guys,the thing below is for a contest entry in which I'm really trying hard to get some money for college, if you guys could vote for me that would be great. Thanks!

Shoe In - Fave Footwear Photo Brickfish

Title: Waiting
Category: Soul Eater
Characters: Medusa, Stein
Word Count: 291
Summary: Medusa can wait for him. She's rather patient when it comes to she wants.

 

Category: Soul Eater
Summary: How does a witch have to deal with what is expected of them? How did it begin anyway? Does it have to be so hard to be a witch? -Introspection on the role and life of witches in soul eater-

 

Saw this on fatal_red's journal, and I just had to try it out.

Your Birthdate: March 9

You are a born idealist, with more pet causes than you can count. You prefer be around others, both when working and while relaxing. Generous and giving, you believe you can change the world one person at a time. You're open minded and tolerant. People feel like they can tell you anything. Your strength: Your go-with-the-flow flexibility Your weakness: Your flair for the over dramatic Your power color: Pine green Your power symbol: Circle Your power month: September

Title: His Name Was...
Category: Soul Eater
Summary: Death. The kid. Death the kid. Who was he? Was he just little death? Was he just death, the kid? Death the kid. That was his name. Until he met Liz and Patty.

 

 

I wrote this about...two years ago, and have now decided to post it up.
Just a short fluffy story about a girl who can't ride a bike.

 

Here are some pictures I took at a desert part in Tucson Arizona. There of the Sonoran desert I believe. The park is called Tohno Chul and it is really very pretty.